For some reason the freeview in my bedroom has beseached me of all the ITV channels and all the 4 Channels (Channel 4, +1, More 4).
Although i try to watch as little television as possible, do you have any idea what this means!?!?!
To name a few, I will be deprived of;
Emmerdale
Coronation Street
Come Dine with Me
Big Brother
Ugly Betty
And my beloved Time Team!
I've never felt so poor in my life.
I will be forced to watch these television channels on basic 'NORMAL TELE SIGNAL'
This is materialism at its worst, i feel physically offended that I have to stoop to this, how did I let myself get like this! Do I rely on technology so much that even the slightest little crackle every 30 seconds brings me close to vomiting?
This is a dark day, I must resolve this issue immediately
or at least after I stalk channel 4 OD, as i missed Ugly Betty tonight due to fatal inconveniance.
Technology reigns supreme yet again.
Cheers
Thompson
Wednesday 26 August 2009
Wednesday 12 August 2009
The Results are in
One week and 63% later -
You; My Readers, have deemed that OREOs are in fact Over-rated.
I fucking love OREOs and I think you're all a bunch of cunts for voting that way.
But i'm not gonna bite the hand that feeds me and insult you all too much, I am merely gonna leave you with this video and hope you take a moment to reflect on your life.
The Kerry Katona Sex Tape:
Cheers
Thompson
You; My Readers, have deemed that OREOs are in fact Over-rated.
I fucking love OREOs and I think you're all a bunch of cunts for voting that way.
But i'm not gonna bite the hand that feeds me and insult you all too much, I am merely gonna leave you with this video and hope you take a moment to reflect on your life.
The Kerry Katona Sex Tape:
Cheers
Thompson
Monday 10 August 2009
Too much of a good thing
In the late hours of last night I treat myself to some supper, warm apple tart with fresh cream. Although it was debatable how fresh the cream was considering it had been sitting in my fridge for a week (un-opened though i'll have you know), I poured a generous amount in the bowl and sat down to enjoy my delight, a prince in his castle with a banquet before him. But after the feast was over, I was left feeling sickened and bloatened. Which moves me onto the topic of my blog, and the program I was watching at the time, 'Alan Carr: Chatty Man'.
Now I have always been a fan of Alan Carr and I've followed his career since he first appeared on our screens. I think everyone will agree with me in saying that The Friday and Sunday Night Projects have been excellent programs to watch. But recently, I am growing tired of the lad. His chat show is nothing special and where before he seemed to be brimming with shy talent, now seems to be over-flooding with in-your-face gay humour. 'Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong' was another half an hour poorly spent. 10 dead-beat celebrities (split 5 v 5) set against each other in a series of rounds of questions. Throw in a couple of pictures, buzzers and sexual euphamisms and that's both seasons of 'Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong' in a nutshell. Just another celebrity that once I turn on the television I instantly see starring back at me, regardless of whether I turn over the channel, they will be everwhere. The only thing that his show has proved to me is that you can have too much of a good thing.
Another 'celebrity' that really annoys me, mainly for the same problem is Christopher Biggins. He was a man that I was never too familiar with when I was younger and was only ever really introduced to him through 'I'm a celebrity...'. But after this I have become aware of his long-standing acting career and why he is seen as such a Brittish Icon. Having been crowned King of the Jungle(I actually don't think that winning offers you more priviledges than just going on the program really considering that Katie Price and Peter Andre were both runners up in the year that Kerry Katona won. Although she is extremely famous now for her cataclysmic health levels.) he has gone on to feature in many iconic Brittish television programs such as Come down with me and Psycoville off the top of my head. The latter of which when I heard the news of scared me half to death. Being a major fan of Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton, the team behind 'Psycoville' and 'The League of Gentlemen', I shuddered at the thought that Biggins might ruin the work of Shearsmith and Pemberton, who are notable for their signature dark and dreary comic humour.
Not to sound like I'm homophobic which I realise is how it may be percieved, but moving onto comedy duo's and Horne and Corden have also suffered the same fate, but have only gone even further than the last two and released a film that has been dubbed 'profoundly awful', 4.1/10 and left the lads with a crossroads in terms of a career-move.
This all started as Gavin and Stacey was released to to the BBC audiences nationwide with excellent reviews. The next step obviously being to make a second series and they capped it all off with a Christmas special. Ratings soared, leaving the two boys with their faces on the front cover of NME magazine and in the media spotlight, the doors were wide open for them to do as they wished. BBC gave them their own sketch show on BBC3. Not prime-time telly but good enough. Although 817,000 viewers tuned it to watch it, making it the most most watched debut for a comedy series on BBC Three of all time, the reviews were horrendous. Everyone from The Sun to The Times criticed how crude it was and how artlessly it was done. Rating dropped after this and the final episode only drew in a mere 434,000 viewers. The series was branded a flop and it will be suprising to see it come back. Following this though, the lads were still riding on a wave of fame after the success of 'Gavin and Stacey' and whatever they managed to salvage from 'Horne and Corden'. So they then decided to turn their talent to film, thinking 'well we fucked up with Horne and Corden so let's go all out on a hollywood blockbuster and win them back!' Yeah I don't think it works like that. Lesbian Vampire Killers was released to cinemas accross the country in 2009 and would you believe it, recieved extremely bad reviews. But this again just shows me that you can have too much of a good thing. I doubt that was why the film suffered, most likely through extremly poor writing and rushed prduction.
One of example though of a comedy-duo who have spaced-out their 'meals' (this being a metaphor for your TV shows) well is Mitchell and Webb. These two men are argueably the most under-rated comedy act in Britain and are a fine example of how your career should look. Okay so their film wasn't great and recieved mediocre rating, an average of 2 and a half star, but even that's better than Lesbian Vampire Killers. But with a long-running multi-award winning TV series as well as a sketch show (aired on BBC2) into it's 3rd series it's not hard to see why these guys haven't lost their fans and are still riding the wave of success.
Jack Turner, Sky Sports
Now I have always been a fan of Alan Carr and I've followed his career since he first appeared on our screens. I think everyone will agree with me in saying that The Friday and Sunday Night Projects have been excellent programs to watch. But recently, I am growing tired of the lad. His chat show is nothing special and where before he seemed to be brimming with shy talent, now seems to be over-flooding with in-your-face gay humour. 'Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong' was another half an hour poorly spent. 10 dead-beat celebrities (split 5 v 5) set against each other in a series of rounds of questions. Throw in a couple of pictures, buzzers and sexual euphamisms and that's both seasons of 'Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong' in a nutshell. Just another celebrity that once I turn on the television I instantly see starring back at me, regardless of whether I turn over the channel, they will be everwhere. The only thing that his show has proved to me is that you can have too much of a good thing.
Another 'celebrity' that really annoys me, mainly for the same problem is Christopher Biggins. He was a man that I was never too familiar with when I was younger and was only ever really introduced to him through 'I'm a celebrity...'. But after this I have become aware of his long-standing acting career and why he is seen as such a Brittish Icon. Having been crowned King of the Jungle(I actually don't think that winning offers you more priviledges than just going on the program really considering that Katie Price and Peter Andre were both runners up in the year that Kerry Katona won. Although she is extremely famous now for her cataclysmic health levels.) he has gone on to feature in many iconic Brittish television programs such as Come down with me and Psycoville off the top of my head. The latter of which when I heard the news of scared me half to death. Being a major fan of Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton, the team behind 'Psycoville' and 'The League of Gentlemen', I shuddered at the thought that Biggins might ruin the work of Shearsmith and Pemberton, who are notable for their signature dark and dreary comic humour.
Not to sound like I'm homophobic which I realise is how it may be percieved, but moving onto comedy duo's and Horne and Corden have also suffered the same fate, but have only gone even further than the last two and released a film that has been dubbed 'profoundly awful', 4.1/10 and left the lads with a crossroads in terms of a career-move.
This all started as Gavin and Stacey was released to to the BBC audiences nationwide with excellent reviews. The next step obviously being to make a second series and they capped it all off with a Christmas special. Ratings soared, leaving the two boys with their faces on the front cover of NME magazine and in the media spotlight, the doors were wide open for them to do as they wished. BBC gave them their own sketch show on BBC3. Not prime-time telly but good enough. Although 817,000 viewers tuned it to watch it, making it the most most watched debut for a comedy series on BBC Three of all time, the reviews were horrendous. Everyone from The Sun to The Times criticed how crude it was and how artlessly it was done. Rating dropped after this and the final episode only drew in a mere 434,000 viewers. The series was branded a flop and it will be suprising to see it come back. Following this though, the lads were still riding on a wave of fame after the success of 'Gavin and Stacey' and whatever they managed to salvage from 'Horne and Corden'. So they then decided to turn their talent to film, thinking 'well we fucked up with Horne and Corden so let's go all out on a hollywood blockbuster and win them back!' Yeah I don't think it works like that. Lesbian Vampire Killers was released to cinemas accross the country in 2009 and would you believe it, recieved extremely bad reviews. But this again just shows me that you can have too much of a good thing. I doubt that was why the film suffered, most likely through extremly poor writing and rushed prduction.
One of example though of a comedy-duo who have spaced-out their 'meals' (this being a metaphor for your TV shows) well is Mitchell and Webb. These two men are argueably the most under-rated comedy act in Britain and are a fine example of how your career should look. Okay so their film wasn't great and recieved mediocre rating, an average of 2 and a half star, but even that's better than Lesbian Vampire Killers. But with a long-running multi-award winning TV series as well as a sketch show (aired on BBC2) into it's 3rd series it's not hard to see why these guys haven't lost their fans and are still riding the wave of success.
Jack Turner, Sky Sports
Tuesday 4 August 2009
Summer of Sport
In the wake of my last blog I've encountered another bout of writers block and henceforth could not blog. The reason being, I didn't want to come out after my last blog and write about any old rubbish. Several topics came to mind but none of them really seemed worthy of being given the time of day to show up on the CHRIS THOMPSON BLOG. But then I decided to settle on a topic that has kept cropping up in my mind throughout the summer, this whole notion of the 'Summer of Sport.
Interpromotional items, discount vouchers and new 'mars balls' are all the range as pre-season, wimbledon, the ashes, and im not quite sure which golfing tournament tee off, kick-off, serve and bowl for the summer which so far has looked to be a magnificent array of athletes that have not only done their countries proud, but their sponsors too. But that's where it gets interesting. As all the events have take place, it's around the same time that all these sponsors, the likes of ADIDAS (please don't shut down the podcast because of this), NIKE, PUMA etc, start to reel in the money.
You see, people who just watch Wimledon once a year for the sake of it when it comes on just to shout at how poor the brittish are will go out and buy the likes of these polo shirts that you will see Andy Murray and Roger Federer wearing then go out and hit the court once or twice claiming they are big fans of tennis. Then only to never play again until the following year, 'Oh me? Yeah, yeah used to play when I was little.' My arse, you buy into all this shit, just like me, just like the rest of us. But the credit goes to the promotional side of things. The likes of JJB, ADIDAS or TOPMAN, places that will have picked up on this and will have been battling for air-time maybe just before it started.
'Mars', that often thought of as healthy, sport-related, exercise company once again released their 'mars balls' this year. These being free footballs that you have to blow up yourself, although this year they have released new ones including tennis, rugby and I think I saw cricket balls in the advert. But what is ridiculous about the entire thing is that to win one you have to collect an 'interpromotional code' from a mars wrapper. Well thankyou Mr Frank C. Mars, I bet you collect a nice little profit for yourself there, despite the fact that the entire campaign is about getting people and I quote 'to have a kick-about'. It's gonna be pretty hard when there's Mars wrappers everywhere not to mention the fact that everyone feels sick because we've been trying get the right code for your stupid ball.
The other thing about football is because the likes of 'Mars' and BNB (big name brands) are pushing people to play sports in the summer that's the only time people ever do play, so by the time it comes round A LOT of people have shocking fitness. If fitness levels aren't maintened then they can easily plummit. I know this through first-hand experience. Coming back after a year and playing football in the summer wasn't bad for me, but because I was playing at the very least once every week it was easy to maintian my fitness, if I had any at all. This was late May by the way. Then as the summer progressed I played slightly more frequent and I think my knowledge of the game has improved. But the same has happened with tennis and i've never played that in a year or so. But recently with football I haven't played in approximately 4 weeks, not counting kicking the ball in my front yard for the odd 20 minutes/ 30 minutes when i'm bored shitless. Then last week I played football again, we only played 'wembley pairs', not too much running involved , just basic pass and shoot but against opponents. But to avoid getting lost in the details following these yesterday I was invited to a game of football in some of football courts with some better players and I can honestly I felt it. But to be honest, had I been with the others I don't think it would have made a difference because after 30 seconds of running about it was clear that I was one of the most un-fit there. 4-a-side on a giant football court, you're going to running around a lot but even an averagely fit lad could have done better than me. Nevertheless, after 3 hours of crazy panting, a nervous stint in goal, being shouted at several times from charvs and a goal I did work quite well we headed home. It would be lazy on my behalf to say that it was the media's fault I sucked at football yesterday and that all those people who watch wimbledon also play worth shit but they could definitely help more. It's obvious that with the blistering heat we get here in britain they would want ro make the most of it, there's no denying it. But why not make the most of our glorious winter? Why don't they promote all of the sports wear and equipment as well? 'Get Britain pumping those muscles during the winter' could be a slogan!
The Ashes is always an interesting one to watch. In my house Sky Sports 1 will always be on one of the 2 TV's downstairs. The Ashes are always are always Australia v England and back in 2005 were lucky enough to beat the skippies and never let them forget it. But this rivalry gets so fierce it actually gets quite funny because you (well I) would never associate cricket which always seems like being a rich, noble sport, almost pompous with people talking trashmouth about each other. You almost expect Ricky ponting to go behind the titontron and have a few words with Todd Grisham about how he's going to dismantle Andrew Flintoff (for you WWE fans).
After filtering through all the liars and phonies you see the people who really are dedicated to their sport and play all year round, ones that when you go and play make you look like a 60 year old man on a drip. So credit them, these people you can imagine actually watching in wimbledon, or at the ashes or in a premiership football match when they're old enough.
Turner
Cheers
Interpromotional items, discount vouchers and new 'mars balls' are all the range as pre-season, wimbledon, the ashes, and im not quite sure which golfing tournament tee off, kick-off, serve and bowl for the summer which so far has looked to be a magnificent array of athletes that have not only done their countries proud, but their sponsors too. But that's where it gets interesting. As all the events have take place, it's around the same time that all these sponsors, the likes of ADIDAS (please don't shut down the podcast because of this), NIKE, PUMA etc, start to reel in the money.
You see, people who just watch Wimledon once a year for the sake of it when it comes on just to shout at how poor the brittish are will go out and buy the likes of these polo shirts that you will see Andy Murray and Roger Federer wearing then go out and hit the court once or twice claiming they are big fans of tennis. Then only to never play again until the following year, 'Oh me? Yeah, yeah used to play when I was little.' My arse, you buy into all this shit, just like me, just like the rest of us. But the credit goes to the promotional side of things. The likes of JJB, ADIDAS or TOPMAN, places that will have picked up on this and will have been battling for air-time maybe just before it started.
'Mars', that often thought of as healthy, sport-related, exercise company once again released their 'mars balls' this year. These being free footballs that you have to blow up yourself, although this year they have released new ones including tennis, rugby and I think I saw cricket balls in the advert. But what is ridiculous about the entire thing is that to win one you have to collect an 'interpromotional code' from a mars wrapper. Well thankyou Mr Frank C. Mars, I bet you collect a nice little profit for yourself there, despite the fact that the entire campaign is about getting people and I quote 'to have a kick-about'. It's gonna be pretty hard when there's Mars wrappers everywhere not to mention the fact that everyone feels sick because we've been trying get the right code for your stupid ball.
The other thing about football is because the likes of 'Mars' and BNB (big name brands) are pushing people to play sports in the summer that's the only time people ever do play, so by the time it comes round A LOT of people have shocking fitness. If fitness levels aren't maintened then they can easily plummit. I know this through first-hand experience. Coming back after a year and playing football in the summer wasn't bad for me, but because I was playing at the very least once every week it was easy to maintian my fitness, if I had any at all. This was late May by the way. Then as the summer progressed I played slightly more frequent and I think my knowledge of the game has improved. But the same has happened with tennis and i've never played that in a year or so. But recently with football I haven't played in approximately 4 weeks, not counting kicking the ball in my front yard for the odd 20 minutes/ 30 minutes when i'm bored shitless. Then last week I played football again, we only played 'wembley pairs', not too much running involved , just basic pass and shoot but against opponents. But to avoid getting lost in the details following these yesterday I was invited to a game of football in some of football courts with some better players and I can honestly I felt it. But to be honest, had I been with the others I don't think it would have made a difference because after 30 seconds of running about it was clear that I was one of the most un-fit there. 4-a-side on a giant football court, you're going to running around a lot but even an averagely fit lad could have done better than me. Nevertheless, after 3 hours of crazy panting, a nervous stint in goal, being shouted at several times from charvs and a goal I did work quite well we headed home. It would be lazy on my behalf to say that it was the media's fault I sucked at football yesterday and that all those people who watch wimbledon also play worth shit but they could definitely help more. It's obvious that with the blistering heat we get here in britain they would want ro make the most of it, there's no denying it. But why not make the most of our glorious winter? Why don't they promote all of the sports wear and equipment as well? 'Get Britain pumping those muscles during the winter' could be a slogan!
The Ashes is always an interesting one to watch. In my house Sky Sports 1 will always be on one of the 2 TV's downstairs. The Ashes are always are always Australia v England and back in 2005 were lucky enough to beat the skippies and never let them forget it. But this rivalry gets so fierce it actually gets quite funny because you (well I) would never associate cricket which always seems like being a rich, noble sport, almost pompous with people talking trashmouth about each other. You almost expect Ricky ponting to go behind the titontron and have a few words with Todd Grisham about how he's going to dismantle Andrew Flintoff (for you WWE fans).
After filtering through all the liars and phonies you see the people who really are dedicated to their sport and play all year round, ones that when you go and play make you look like a 60 year old man on a drip. So credit them, these people you can imagine actually watching in wimbledon, or at the ashes or in a premiership football match when they're old enough.
Turner
Cheers
Monday 3 August 2009
Technology at its best
I have intergrated This blog feed and my twitter account so whenever me or Jack posts a new blog it will AUTOMATICALLY yell an abusive message on twitter telling you to read it.
Splendid!
Lets see if it works then
test test test test testicles
Cheers
Thompson
Splendid!
Lets see if it works then
test test test test testicles
Cheers
Thompson
Sunday 2 August 2009
Permission to Rot my mind
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight i present you with a warning.
These days, some of us students (i.e Me) have a lot more spare time, and with this spare time comes impatience.
My warning to you is whatever you do in these times of trouble;
DO NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH BBC THREE.
Ok maybe i'm being a bit harsh, you're allowed to watch Family Guy, but apart from that
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
The last few days I have been half watching/half researching for this blog, because i knew I would end up talking about it, and i literally feel like my mind is deteriorating by the second, whenever I have one of their ludicrous shows on.
Let me give you a taster of some of the quality programming on BBC Three,
Well currently, there is a program called; 'Young, Dumb and Living off Mum'
They have rounded up a gang of teenage to early adult idiotic wankers who don't work or go to school, and put them all in the same house where they are expected to clean, cook, and fend for themself whilst they are set tasks and shit. They are rewarded for being mature, for example, cooking a pot noodle will get you a gold star or some shit like that. The worst thing is, it's entertaining.
Heres another one -
My Big Decision
This show has a new topic every time, here are some examples
Sex: Two 15 year olds make the decision if they want to lose their virginity before the legal age of consent, they go on a sex education holiday with their (single) parent which includes rubbing lube on a dildo, a semina on orgasms, and visiting amsterdam to see how free love has a positive effect on the public.
They will go away from it WANTING TO HAVE SEX!
Pregnancy: Two 16 year olds make the decision if they want to have a baby yet or not, drama and fat suits all around.
Boob Job: Once again, Two teenagers decide whether they want to get a boob job in order to make themself into a glamour model or whatever the fuck reason people might want one.
Sorry, why does every MY BIG DECISION have to be about things to do with your genitals, why can't there be like MY BIG DECISION: The Supermarket, in which people decide whether they will purchase Wheeto's or Coco Pops, they both turn the milk brown, but which is tastier?
Underage and Pregnant
Quite self-explanatory, following a bunch of knocked up slags for a week, telling them how shit their life is gonna be when slag junior drops out. Also introducing them to fellow cretans who were too shy to shout 'pull out ya div' who also have a shit life. Joy!
Just a few examples of what the Beeb has to offer. This is reality television in its lowest form!
I dunno what I'm moaning for though, the fact that I have watched them and now have an actual opinion on them, makes me even more pathetic than they are.
I need a hobby.
Or at least a long tie, some ladies tights, and an amyl nitrite laced satsuma, if you know what i'm getting at.
Cheers
Thompson
These days, some of us students (i.e Me) have a lot more spare time, and with this spare time comes impatience.
My warning to you is whatever you do in these times of trouble;
DO NOT EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH BBC THREE.
Ok maybe i'm being a bit harsh, you're allowed to watch Family Guy, but apart from that
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
The last few days I have been half watching/half researching for this blog, because i knew I would end up talking about it, and i literally feel like my mind is deteriorating by the second, whenever I have one of their ludicrous shows on.
Let me give you a taster of some of the quality programming on BBC Three,
Well currently, there is a program called; 'Young, Dumb and Living off Mum'
They have rounded up a gang of teenage to early adult idiotic wankers who don't work or go to school, and put them all in the same house where they are expected to clean, cook, and fend for themself whilst they are set tasks and shit. They are rewarded for being mature, for example, cooking a pot noodle will get you a gold star or some shit like that. The worst thing is, it's entertaining.
Heres another one -
My Big Decision
This show has a new topic every time, here are some examples
Sex: Two 15 year olds make the decision if they want to lose their virginity before the legal age of consent, they go on a sex education holiday with their (single) parent which includes rubbing lube on a dildo, a semina on orgasms, and visiting amsterdam to see how free love has a positive effect on the public.
They will go away from it WANTING TO HAVE SEX!
Pregnancy: Two 16 year olds make the decision if they want to have a baby yet or not, drama and fat suits all around.
Boob Job: Once again, Two teenagers decide whether they want to get a boob job in order to make themself into a glamour model or whatever the fuck reason people might want one.
Sorry, why does every MY BIG DECISION have to be about things to do with your genitals, why can't there be like MY BIG DECISION: The Supermarket, in which people decide whether they will purchase Wheeto's or Coco Pops, they both turn the milk brown, but which is tastier?
Underage and Pregnant
Quite self-explanatory, following a bunch of knocked up slags for a week, telling them how shit their life is gonna be when slag junior drops out. Also introducing them to fellow cretans who were too shy to shout 'pull out ya div' who also have a shit life. Joy!
Just a few examples of what the Beeb has to offer. This is reality television in its lowest form!
I dunno what I'm moaning for though, the fact that I have watched them and now have an actual opinion on them, makes me even more pathetic than they are.
I need a hobby.
Or at least a long tie, some ladies tights, and an amyl nitrite laced satsuma, if you know what i'm getting at.
Cheers
Thompson
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