Christmas Do

Cutting down of Co2 Emissions

Well we've reached the point in this series of blogs where we're discussing climate change and as I mentioned before, the world will most likely end if we don't change our ways drastically, and soon. Scientists have already proven that co2 emissions emitted by automobiles, factories and even human flatulance are to blame for the polar ice caps melting. So what do we aim to do about it??

Well just open the door and have a look as there are thousands of campaigns currently at work trying to do their bit, most of them shoving their pickett signs in your face, but who are really getting down to work? Well there are the major ones, being Greenpeace, WWF who are extremely affected by climate change and Campaign Against Climate Change who people actually respect. Greenpeace are constantly in the middle of campaining and have men and women often locked up for their protests, this being a prospect that is not new to them.

In Britain, someone who you's may recognise has been argueably influential in getting people to be more environmentaly friendly has been David Cameron, leader of the Conservative Party. After acting like a prick and demonstrating how he rides his bike he soon ended up getting clocked cycling through a red light and going the wrong way down a one-way road! Yeah thanks for the lesson you moron!

But over the course of this past year much campaigning has been done on his behalf as he sees it as being of the upmost importance. These have included fact-finding visits to Norway. with the WWF (okay not really a campaign). Also, because of Cameron's appeal and the fact that he genuinely is a good speaker has broadened the message of Global Warming to more people over the past 12 months and the word has spread like a drug, that some still refuse to inhale.

When it was announced several months ago that Heathrow would be extending their runway it was met with extreme discontent, not from WWF, or David Cameron (immediately) but this woman...

Yes Emma Thompson was red in the face, absolutely furious at the news. This though has just sybolised how far the message has come and that even rich people can know the difference between what's right and wrong.

Looking back this hasn't been a good year year for Global Warming, but it's been better than last year and let's hope next year's is even better.

Cheers

Turner

Christmas Don't

Your Back Pocket

Ladies and gentleman, this largest annoyance since the cheeky girls and the biggest strain since the cast of Eastenders did The Beatles on comic relief; The Recession.

If you're mine or Jack's age, maybe you're not feeling it so much, if your living off EMA and the pocket money you manage to scrounge every so often from your poor grandparent(s), then you might be alrite, but your parents probably won't be!

A lot of people ask, exactly how did this happen? How is nearly every country in the world up to their eyeballs in debt? Surely can't we just turn a blind eye and let it pass? These are of course, very good questions, and if you've already considered some of these solutions then me and you should have a crafty tea sometime, but I think that you and I know it is not that simple.

Theres no definitive way to describe exactly how the recession started, but I'll try and give one explanation. When you eventually crave dependence and wish to purchase your own home, you will come to discover that it is extremely expensive and may have to save up for a few weeks! Some people in the world do not realise this, they buy the house on credit. This means that they go to the bank and lick arse and get a loan which the bank know for a fine fact they will not be able to pay back, and surprise surprise they don't pay it back. At this point, banks re-possess the person's home to make up for the owed debt. But here lies a problem, property values have decreased significantly over the last few years, so by the time the banks possess all the loan monkey's possessions, and come to sell them, they are worth next to nothing compared to what the person owes, the person has nothing else to pay, and therefore is cleared of debt, leaving the bank 100k down. This happened in every bank, multiple times a week, for many many years. Debts build up with banks, just like with people.

Because of this debt, banks refuse to give loans to businesses which would be able to repay the loan, due to the fact that they have no money left, meaning businesses do not get any money, and therefore go bankrupt. When people find out the banks are in trouble, they rush to the bank and withdraw all their savings, or at least try to. The bank can refuse to give you your money, on the account that they do not have it, meaning YOU can charge THEM interest on when they must give you your money for. Until then, you will have no money and therefore will have to result to living in a bus station.

If you do manage to get your money, this will leave the bank even more in debt for the next person to come in and do the same. At this point, richer banks will lend money to other banks to try and get them out of debt, nice of them? No. People forget that banks, by themselves, do not have much money. The money Banks have is YOUR MONEY, if a bank lends another bank money, they are lending them your money. The second bank may now wish to start loaning again, and may come into more debt, in which case the first bank will become angry and demand money back, at this time the second bank will go to a third bank and lend money to pay the first bank, and the cycle will continue.

I'm sorry, I'm placing a lot of emphasis on how the banks are fucking up our economy, by no means is it all their fault. Do you own a credit card? If you do, I suggest you cut it up right now. Never spend money you do not have. Debit cards are fine, if you dont have enough money in the account, you won't be able to buy anything (discrediting overdraft), but with a credit card, you can buy as much as you want, and at the end of the month, as long as you don't read your post, you will get off scott free. Show off your three hungry kids, put on a show for the judge and hire a decent solicitor, and your raging debt will be wiped clean. But who deals with this debt? Exactly. No-one.

Don't blame the bankers for this recession, blame yourselves, or if you have to blame anyone, Blame the USA.

And please be gracious and don't blame Germany, they're doing very well for themselves, this is the first recession they've got out of without invading another country.

Cheers

Thompson

Christmas Do

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Quite possible the most successful film of 2009 has become an international phenomenon since it's release to cinemas worldwide in January. With an already proven multi-award winning director Danny Boyle at the helm and a budget larger than Kerry Katona's breakfast to tuck into, it's not exactly hard to see why the film has been so successful.

When the film was released in January, it received rave reviews and the film grossed in £6 million in the first week and a half. The film was also extremely well recieved in India, well what do you expect, they love a good Bollywood film don't they?

The sudden success of the film thrust the stars into the media's limelight and gave the actors a platform to launch their careers. Dev Patel, a budding young actor who previously had starred in Brittish comedy drama 'Skins' was the biggest news along with Freida Pinto who had swept the nation with her beauty. The world was now their oyster, with all the chat shows who wanted them on their show to go and make a name for themselves. Eventually it was discovered that Dev and Freida are in a relationship, how did that happen??

When Oscar time came around Slumdog Millionaire was scooped up an extremely impressive 8 as it barged its way through the likes of The Dark Knight, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon and The Wrester. The Best Director award really contributed to placing Danny Boyle on the mantle as being one of the best Brittish directors around to date.

So where are they all now, and how has the film affected their careers? Well Dev and Freida and still apparently together but there is nothing big in the pipeline for either of them, although Dev was recently seen making a cameo appearance as a waiter in ITV1 drama 'Mister Eleven', lets just hope this was for a bet.

As for Danny Boy.....le he's apparently held off his sequel to 28 weeks later and has began on ventures new. He is developing a film based on the story of Aron Ralston, an American mountain climber who after getting his arm crushed under a boulder, spent five days thinking he was about to die and ended up cutting his arm off with a dull blade. Could be depressing? Could be awesome!!!

As for those funny little Slumdog kids who jumped into the poo and ran away on the train, stealing our hearts all the while. Well their parents beat them up and ended up trying to sell them to get rich, that's not even a joke.

So Slumdog Millionnaire has changed the life of everyone who has been a part of it (except the kids, but don't worry they'll just grow up and run away or something daft) and in the year 2009 everyone (except the kids) involved can look back with a smile.

Cheers

Turner

Christmas Don't

Simon Cowell

This story comes to you completely hot off the press!

The culminating events of this story were only confirmed tonight by the UK top 40 chart, when X factor winner Joe McElderry was beaten to the top spot by has-been angry rockers Rage Against The Machine, in an outrageous internet campaign which has gripped the nation.

It all started a few weeks ago, a bunch of cynics were fed up of Simon Cowell and the X factor gang always nabbing christmas number one, a honour which was previously seen as the ultimate prize in the UK Chart. So what did they do? What would be appropriate in today's lazy and unsophisticated society? Go on parade outside Buckingham Palace? Of course not. Phone Radio 1? No way. Start a Facebook Group? Yes.

Starting off small, then roughly 5 days later, escalating to the thousands, this group was sweeping the British media, even getting into the hands of Simon Cowell, who publically attempted to ridicule the campaign, which completely backfired and actually drew more supporters from the small minority of the population (including me) who do not have a facebook. What was the Groups plan? I will tell:

• Boycott the X Factor winner's single
• Spread the word religiously
• Instead, buy 90's angst track 'Killing in the Name' as a 'message' to all the cheesey pop money money money establishments blah blah blah

This campaign is based on people being awkward just for the sake of it.

People who bought the single, you were not spiting or inconveniencing Simon Cowell, both acts are signed to Sony, which SyCo has shares in. You have crushed the dreams of a humble 18 year old boy from the North East who once had a dream to get the christmas number one. It is completely unfair and you should be ashamed of yourself!

I suppose, to remain unbiased, the fact that such a heavy band getting a christmas number one is quite funny, I have always been a fan of the song, and I think the power of social networking has been proved well and truly.

Sorry Joe, it's shit for you.

Maybe next year

You're gonna be a superstar anyway, so take it with a pinch of salt.

Cheers

Thompson

Christmas Do

Books on 'How to fuck up your career indefinitely'

Now I think anyone who has at least stayed remotely in touch with the media for the past few months will have to agree that this has been a convingcingly terrible year for probobly the best golfer of all time, Tiger Woods. A man who people everywhere could look up to as a role model has been demoted to nothing more than a shameful slut.

Proffessionally, the year had started off well for Tiger as he returned from injury and throughout the earlier months of the year he won several majour tournaments including 2009 PGA Championship, The Memorial Tournament and The AT&T National (where according to recent media speculation he is supposed to have met and exchanged numbers with Jessica Simpson, but we'll come back to that). As the year progressed he then won more titles at the BMW Championships, The Fed Ex Cup and he came secone in the 2009 Presidents Cup. And that was about as good as things got for Tiger...

When November hit, the tabloids claimed that Tiger had been cheating on his wife of two years, however his wife stayed by his side and denied the alligations. Things then took a crazier turn when Tiger was involved in a car crash and his wife helped him out of the mess. Only later, it has been discovered that the car crash was caused because he was being chased down by his wife after they had a heated argument, role models eh? However, he took personal blame for the crash.

Things then took another horrible turn as Jaimee Grubbs, a cocktail waitress from San Diego opened up publicly to US Weekly about how she had a two and a half year affair with Tiger. The evidence was undeniable as she produced voice clips and texts he'd sent her, there was no turning from it this time. Tiger was left with no alternative then to release an apology that was fully exploited by everyone and everything.

After this the floodgates opened with over a dozen women claiming to have slept with the golfer, leading to media frenzy that threatened to tarnish Tigers reputation forever, including facegroup sites called 'I've slept with Tiger Woods'. As a result of which he was forced to make another statement in which he apologized to his fans and family and admitted to the aligations, he then also used this to publically announce another break from golf (was anyone shocked? a few were perhaps but it was inevitable).

Gillette, who Tiger Woods was the face of, along with Thierry Henry and Roger Federer soon parted company with him, a major blow for him business wise but again, not a major shock.

As if the shitheap of this story couldn't get any higher, a mystery blond woman was then taken from his home in a stretcher to a nearby hospital. His wife wasn't living with him at the time, but media speculation bounced around the idea that it was his mother-in-law, and judging by how downhill this whole saga has ended up, it wouldn't be suprising.

Most recently even more women have came out and claimed to have slept with Golfing legend. And thus concludes Tiger Woods' 2009, unless there is another horrible twist or another shocking revelation. But 2010 has to mark the start of a new year and a fresh start for what we once always saw as an honest and decent proffessional. Let's hope he makes the most of it.

Cheers

Turner

Christmas Don't

This one could get emotional

Pop Stars

2009 Saw the death of one of the biggest musical icons of all time, Stephen Gately.

Not really.

There are many chapters of Michael Jacksons career, going from the young motown kid with an afro who was forced into showbizness along with his four brothers by his controlling father, to the solo heart throb and musical genius, with snake hips and feet like water, aswell as a fully-established and respected vocalist, he was also seen as one of the most grounding breaking dancers of his time, to the media-spoiled suspected paedophile with a plastic face and a theme park in his front garden, to eventually a man with with a mission, and that mission was to entertain, to come back into the mainstream and do exactly what he always loved.

The 'This is It' tour was scheduled begin in July 2009, with tickets smashing records and selling in mere seconds, the tour was one of the most anticipated tours, and probably the most anticipated comeback tour in pop history (even more than Take That!). Choreography was said to be staggering, Michael was back in vocal prime, and he was rumoured to be putting on one of the best shows that some had ever seen. Until Disaster Struck.

Michaels ongoing battle with addictions to prescripted medication for his respiratory system, the pain he was suffering due to being overworked, and relaxants finally caught up with him and On June 25 2009, 3 weeks before his tour was to start, he collapsed at his home in Los Angeles, he suffered a cardiac arrest and was rushed to hospital. He died soon after.

The world went into complete shock after this, his face took over every channel, no radio station could be found not playing a Michael Jackson song, and mourners from all over the world flocked to Los Angeles to mourn the death of the King of Pop.

I knew this photo would become significant somewhere down the line, so I decided to take it.

But Michael Jackson's death wasn't the only one to boost pop sales this year, Stephen Gately's death was probably even more unexpected, being only 33 years of age and in full fitness.

The Boyzone singer was in the middle of writing an autobiography, and also between Boyzone tours, who had recently reformed in the last few years. After a hugely successful comeback tour and more talk of brand new material, with the boyish inexperience left behind him, a steady bank account, a life partner, and a great voice, Stephen was once again at the peak of his life.

Stephen was on holiday in Majorca in October with his civil partner, when after a night out (which wasn't boozy may I add) he returned to his hotel and went asleep, he didn't wake up. He was found to have died of natural causes, more specifically, a disease in which fluid fills the lungs, not unsimilar to pneumonia.

The world did not react as chaotically as they did when Jacko died, but The UK felt a big blow to one of it's best loved Stars. Ireland was in ruins seeing one of their best home grown talents go to waste at such a young age, taken tragically by a disease which saw no reflection of the life he led and could not have been prevented.

Following his death, a cynical Journo, Jan Moir, tried to make a name for herself by poking fun at how the 'fairytale-esque ending of civil partnership has been tainted by Gately's death'. The UK responded ridiculously negatively to this, branding her a homophobic fool, rightly, and some even going to the extent of boycotting the Daily Mail. She was subsequently given the Stonewall 'Bigot of the Year' award. She is now rumoured to be working in Pizzarama on Hylton Road.

2009 has been harsh to pop stars, hopefully 2010 will see the birth of more pop icons rather than the deaths.

RIP Michael Jackson & Stephen Gately

You will both be dearly missed.

Cheers

Thompson

Christmas Do

English Football

When you look back at 2009 there are dozens of things you can highlight as being significant to English Football. Whether it be Englands qualification for the world cup next year, the sheer amount of goals that have been hammered into the nets so far this season, or even Jimmy Bullards emphatic return to the Premier League you can't deny how monumental this year has been for England, the players and its fans.

Throughout the two (almost 3)transfer markets that have been open in the past year the Premier League has seen a huge rise in foreign players being brought into the Premier League. This new surge has seen a vast amount of highly skilled proffessionals getting recognition in the best league there is when up until a few years ago, they never would have had the same chance. This is because a lot of managers now look abroad to finance their European dreams of cup glory in football these days, with Englands best players already contractually stuck to the likes of Chelsea and Aston Villa. This has then lead other managers onto the same path and the same destinations. So in the past year we have seen a flux of new never-before-seen talent from abroad. The likes of Thomas Vermalean, Gael Kakuta and this guy...

As well more foreign players being brought in from overseas this year has also seen more youngsters rise through the ranks and begin first team action. The likes of Theo Walcott who epitomise this had already started to do so by 2007/08 but this year has seen England hopefulls Keiron Gibbs and Jack Wilshire break into the Arsenal side and become prodical figures. Furthermore, the north-easts very own Jordan Henderson has become an influential figure on Wearside after being recalled from loan duty and Newcastle's Andy Carroll has been a vitol figure in their championship campaign. This is great for the sport, and for England to see its future tearing defenders to shreads.

If one big standout moment of 2009 for English Football had to be called it would possibly have to be The England National side's qualification to the 2010 world cup in South Africa. After coming off the back of a depressing defeat away to Ukraine England wanted to finish the campaign on a high with a win against Belarus, despite injury concerns. Nevertheless, as expected the team triumphed and emerged group winners (they were going to anyway, but it felt proper this way). Parading around a packed out Wembley at the end of a long, tough campaign the team deserved their place at World Cup, and at the top of the group. Next for the England team was the World Cup draw and once again they were drawn in a favourable group.

On the subject of the World Cup, England will be looking at the exhibitionism of it all next year as well as the actual competition, and will imagine themselves being host nation in 2018. Englands bid has come a long way this year, from one of several candidates to the possible front-runner. I think that if we did get the right to host the World Cup, this country would owe a LOT to David Beckham because what that man has done is astonishing. As well as playing for his country, representing it across the world must be one grueling task. The FIFA board have now picked their band of Stadiums to host the games if we are to host the World Cup, although I believe this list will be wittled down to a smaller few. Almost every city with a stadium in it opted to host once they heard the news, even League Two clubs whose stadiums are only 20,000 max are throwing everything at the F.A.

So this year's been quite kind to England but next year is the biggy. Come'on England!

Cheers

Turner